NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Randomize
