Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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