Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
