you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
