Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
one two three fourrrrnication!
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
