cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
