Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Randomize
