This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
