remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
We got so high we made milksteak
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
