i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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