uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Can you bring me the toilet please
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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