He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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