Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
