This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
