I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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