Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
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