The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
