keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
