So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
