He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
