Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
