i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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