you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I wish I could teleport
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
