your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
