He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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