Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
