I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
