Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Don't EVER smell your tampon
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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