your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
After last night, I could never be a politician.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
