just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
