do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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