R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
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