I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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