does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
He better not be in your backpack
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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