all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
