i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
So apparently I’m into choking now
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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