Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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