This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
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