Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Randomize
