He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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