A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Randomize
