I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
