i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
