there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
His hands were made for my vagina.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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