i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
