Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
