Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Randomize
