I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize
