trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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