I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Your penis caused this!
Randomize
