Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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